Golfing Gone Wrong

You can't make this stuff up>>> 

Fore!

When you don’t know how to play golf, like me,

You may embarrass your children, as you will see,

At the practice green, you might scream “yay!” when you sink a putt,

But the look on your son’s face says that’s not golf etiquette,

Protocol or no, it’s water under the bridge, as they say,

So I’ve got a lot to learn; maybe I’ll learn someday,

It’s off to the course, where you might cough on your son’s backswing,

Didn’t know that would be a problem:  It’s a bad thing!

Then your phone might loudly “ding” on your other son’s turn,

“Silence your phone, Mom!”; when will I learn?

When the foursome in front of you is new to the game,

You might hear them yell “Fore” which you think is pretty lame,

Then the ball might whiz by your head and land in your fairway,

You should remain quietly on your golf cart, by the way,

For I promptly got out and proceeded to “help” the man find his ball,

I was oblivious to the fact that he needed no help at all,

I picked up his ball and walked toward him, as he approached me,

I said “I think this is your ball”; A kind gesture?  Wouldn’t  you agree?

The man shrugged and did not say “thank you”, which I thought was mean,

Then my sons, who were putting, saw the action from the green,

“What are you doing, Mom!”, I heard resonate in stereo,

You might say I was deflated by this- but I didn’t know!

At this point, we had made it through the front nine,

Time for refreshments and a bathroom break- no line!

But the foursome was teeing off at the tenth hole there,

And I felt I should apologize for my inappropriate ball err,

I started to walk that way; my son said “NO!”,

Just “Don’t bother them, Mom.  Let it GO!” 

So the rest of the game I was holding my coughs and sitting in the cart,

I wanted to be invited again sometime; I wanted to be smart,

If I played my cards right...maybe someday I would go golfing again,

But I certainly won’t hold my breath, until then!

Tammy Harvey

Written:  6/1/2021