Boredom

 

Boredom

It seems children these days expect to be constantly entertained.  With the introduction of handheld screen devices, they are just as addicted to the endless stream of information as we are as adults.  The downtime, the doing nothing, watching nothing, and learning to fill their time with innovative play is a dying concept.  It concerns me that children are consuming all the noise of today without any silence.  Silence, a time to reflect and think on one’s own without a bombardment of outside distractions is essential.  Boredom fosters imagination and innovation.  The silence they would call boredom is actually good for them.  Children of today don’t need to be scheduled with an abundance of activities to fill idle time. Rather, they need downtime to just be.  

I remember as a child being bored. I remember how my mother would remedy the situation if I complained I was bored.  She would assign me a list of chores to help me with my boredom.  This solved the problem of expressing boredom in our household.  You don’t have anything to do?  Okay, I’ll give you something to do.  This boredom was especially extreme when I was at my grandmother’s house for a week in the summertime and even more so on Sundays there.  We weren’t allowed to do certain things on Sunday; mostly it was reserved for worshiping, eating, and visiting with others.  I remember when my grandmother taught me how to crochet.  I was consumed with it and spent a lot of time during the weekdays making a large round cushion cover.  On Sunday, however, she did not allow me to crochet or watch tv.  We were city children and I often could read from her facial expressions that she considered us lazy and underfoot.  She was raised on hard work and farm chores from an early age.  As teens, we would sleep too late for her liking, want to take a bath everyday and complain about what she considered our pampered life.  She did not allow us to bathe every day.  If we wanted to wash our hair, we could choose to dunk our heads into the rain barrel, shampoo and rinse.  I must admit, rainwater was extremely soft and worked wonderfully for hair washing.  On bath days, mostly just Saturday, she only allowed us to put an inch or two of water in the bathtub, and there was no shower.  Nothing was wasted and especially not water.  She raised her children during the Depression and did not part from her conservative ways. 

We would watch her work sunup to sundown and as I look back, we weren’t of much help to her.  I remember going with her to the barn when she milked the cow in the evening and watched her slop the hogs in the pen.  I was mostly scared of the cattle in the pasture.  We did help her water her flowerbeds which she was so particular with.  We dipped an empty one-gallon paint bucket into the rain barrel and carried bucketfuls to the flowers she pointed out to us.  We could not help her weed the flowers as we weren’t trusted to know the difference between plants and weeds.  We watched her do the laundry out in the garage, separate from the house, with a wringer washer which we weren’t allowed to touch.  Then we watched her hang all the clothes on the clotheslines.  Again, no help as we were too short to reach the line.  I might have handed her a clothespin a time or two.  I remember just how stiff the bath towels always were; they were like boards after drying in the sun.  We watched her make biscuits from scratch everyday and cook a hot lunch for us while always wearing an apron.  My grandfather, a carpenter, would come home for lunch.  She gathered vegetables from the garden and prepared meals that were never fully appreciated by us at the time.  We helped her pick up apples from around the apple tree and watched her carefully peel them, wasting none of them, by cutting out all of the bruises.  We watched her break string beans and shuck corn.  All the scraps would go to the hogs. She always made me my favorite macaroni and cheese and/or blackberry cobbler.  We picked the blackberries together down in the pasture field.  The food we had for lunch was carefully placed in an empty kitchen cupboard after lunch and brought out for supper but not reheated.

Yes, we were bored.  We wanted to watch television, which she limited.  We wanted to sit directly in front of the box fan because we were accustomed to air-conditioning and she had none.  It got hot in her house during July, so we complained.  We were city children, not accustomed to the simpler way of life.  In a way, we were just like the children of today.  We wanted to be entertained.  Oh, but to look back and see that we were so fortunate to be bored.  We experienced a new way of life that was only a glimpse into our mother’s upbringing.  The difference was she was expected to work alongside her mother while we were mere onlookers.  We mostly played jacks on the back porch, guessed car colors coming over the horizon from the porch swing and climbed trees to discover baby birds in a nest.  We colored coloring books and drew pictures.  We played with the only “toy” my grandmother kept at her house, Tinker Toys.  We weren’t nearly as bored as we claimed to be.

Sometimes I just feel that in today’s society, children are missing out on the boring days of summer.  If they are in the house all day staring at a screen while playing computer games or watching television, they miss out on the truly incredible time of being a child.  They need to be bored, really bored.  Only then will they know what they can imagine.   

Tammy Harvey

2/28/2026

Legacy Book

 

Legacy

If you don’t have a legacy book, I would highly recommend one.  This is a book made specifically for recording the stories and memories of a family member, usually your parents or grandparents.  I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to interview my parents using this helpful book.  The book has questions to ask them to prompt them to reveal memorable treasured times that happened during their lives.  My mother passed away a year ago at 91 and my dad no longer has a memory at 93, so this book is special.  I was able to record stories I never would have heard had it not been for those prompting questions.

 For example, “What mischievous childhood experience do you remember?”.

My mother said when they were de-worming tobacco, she would take a worm and chase around the field someone who was afraid of it.

Dad said that after a Guernsey cow switched its tail in his face one too many times while he was milking it, he tied the cow’s tail to a Holstein cow standing beside it.  The Holstien cow jerked the Guernsey’s tail off.  They had to sell the Guernsey cow for soap.  His Dad was not happy about that.

“On Halloween, did you ever go on a hayride or bob for apples?”

My Dad said that he never did care about that holiday as so many tricks were played.  People would turn over outhouses and put logs across the road.  One time, he said, someone put cow manure on his father’s truck seat, and it made him mad.  On Halloween, my dad and his brother Frank would go opossum hunting.

“What extracurricular activities were you involved in during high school?”

My mother was named “Miss DAR” (Daughter of American Revolution). 

She was a member of the Beta Club and performed in many plays her junior and senior year.  She was in a play called “Where’s Grandma?”  Also, she and my dad played the roles of husband and wife in a senior play.

My Dad said he played touch football, sandlot baseball and participated in theater during his junior and senior years. 

He was a State Senator for the 4-H Club and went to Nashville.

Can you recall an especially interesting visitor to your home?

My mother said as a child her Uncle Bob Langston (her dad’s brother) would come over to visit and would not leave until he had all of the children crying.

Dad said Aunt Carrie and Aunt Anna-Mae (his dad’s sisters) who were both spinsters would come to visit.  They would always bring a little treat for him, like candy or chewing gum.

“Describe your childhood bedroom.”

My mother said they had two beds with straw tick mattresses, and all four siblings were in the same bedroom.  There were 3 girls and a boy.  Two siblings slept in each bed.

My dad said that his oldest brother, Junior, slept on a cot.  He and his brother Frank slept on a straw tick mattress together.  The boys had a room while Margaret and Doris had a bed together in another bedroom.

“What chores did you have to do when you were growing up?”

My dad said they had to feed the hogs and milk the dairy cows every morning and evening seven days/week.  He said he started milking when he was 9 years old.  He disliked milking in the cold weather.

He and his brother Frank also mowed their neighbor’s yard with a reel mower for 25 cents.  (split 10 cents and 15 cents, alternatingly)

Tammy Harvey  2/22/2026

Solo Dad

 

Solo Dad turns Firefighter

On occasion, my daughter-in-law is out of town on a girls’ trip, and my son takes sole responsibility for their three children.  He is not without help, however, as both grandmothers live in the area.  On Saturday morning, the third day of his soloing, he brought his children over to my house.  As he arrived, my other son dropped off his two-and-a-half-year-old for us to watch. Solo dad was carrying a large bag from Bojangles and proceeded to give all of the children their breakfast.  I could tell he was a little sleep deprived and tired.  His attention turned to his phone as he began a facetime call with his sister-in-law.  I was hand-sewing a repair to a shirt for my grandson who asked me so nicely to do so.  With threaded needle in hand, I told my son that I could not watch the children and sew.  What transpired after that was nothing short of an “I Love Lucy” episode.  With my back to them, and his back to them the two toddler girls proceed to open a huge jar of diamond art gems and by handfuls, spill them onto the floor.  I turned around and saw the scene to which I yelled “Ted”.  He immediately jumped up and grabbed the jar, placing it on the tabletop.  I said don’t put it there as she can still reach it, but before the words got out of my mouth, the 18-month-old reached for the jar.  At breakneck speed I lunged and retrieved it just in the nick of time.  At once, my son is down on his knees with a handy brush and dustpan trying in earnest to get the endless sea of salt-sized colorful particles swept off the hardwood floor.  In the meantime, the 2.5-year-old decides to help by bringing in the dustmop and spreading them around.

 At this point, I still haven’t put down my needle.  I am watching and finding humor in it all.  While dad is on hands and knees, the baby then goes over to my dining room buffet and tries to pull out some breakable items.  Ted rushes over to remove her from that area, leaving his cleaning undone.  Now, mind you, I thought my house was baby proofed well.  That jar had been there for months and none of them had seen it or bothered it.  At this point, I see the 2.5-year-old running for the front door and I asked the 6-year-old to hurry and lock it, because she can get out.  It was a race to the front door and again I’m yelling “Ted”.  She didn’t get out, but it was close.  In the meantime, the 18-month-old had gotten the base of the Keurig machine and was walking around with it.  Ted proceeded to grab it out of her hands in total desperation.  He was exasperated.  All of this had transpired in a matter of a minute.  The Facetime call had been discontinued, and I was laughing my head off.  I hadn’t had a good belly laugh like that in a while. My son, however, did not find it to be so funny.  At this point, he removed everything the baby touched from the living room and tried to encourage her to play with toys, books, watch television, anything!  A series of calamities happened, and solo dad quickly became a firefighter, putting out fires! 

Tammy Harvey   2/22/2026

Gaining a Daughter-in-Law

 

Gaining a Daughter-in-law

My husband grew up with only brothers.  We had only sons, three of them.  He was always hoping for that little girl to join our family.  There had been some talk about adoption, but nothing serious.  All he could hope for was to get a granddaughter.   Little did he know that a daughter-in-law would fit the bill.  Our oldest son met his future wife in his senior year in high school, 2006.  They dated all throughout the college years, long-distance at times.  All this to say that by the time Thomas and Danielle got married, we had known Danielle and her family for 6 years.  They married on November 11, 2012.  They lived in a townhome not far from us.  Yet, when the house next door to us became available, my husband insisted they move there.  It was not a starter home.  It was not really suitable for a newly married couple.  It had more square footage than our house!  He insisted we become co-owners and become neighbors.  So, we did.

 At this point, I got to see just how much he doted on his only daughter-in-law.  You could see he respected her spunkiness and work ethic.  She was a transplant from New York, Brooklyn-born then Long Island resident until her 5^th grade year.  It was then her family moved to Cary.  She had that northern grit about her.  She challenged him in his way of thinking.  She didn’t just “yes, sir” him, but spoke her mind.  She was a hard-worker too and had managed to buy the townhome herself before they married.  He admired her drive to succeed.  They had their friendly disagreements.  I think he was more accustomed to the typical southern charm than the northern grit.  When it came to giving her what she wanted, he was at her service.  He was a handyman and could do just about any task around the home. 

At one point, she was trying to make the house her own and decided to makeover the laundry room.  My husband retired in 2015 and had time on his hands.  He jumped at the chance to do something for Danielle.  Her vision was to remove the wallpaper in the laundry room, paint it and add a chandelier.  A chandelier!  Adding this new light fixture to replace the fluorescent box light required some sheetrock work, but my husband would never shy away from that challenge.  He proceeded to strip the wallpaper.  He prepared the walls for painting.  She chose a bright coral color which I supposed my husband detested but did not question.  He painted it with an attitude of service.  I think acts of service was his love language.  When it came to the light fixture, it seemed absurd to put this little fake crystal chandelier in that space, yet he did it without question.  When it was all completed, she was delighted with her new space.  I then proceeded to say to him that I thought our laundry room could use a little remake.  I spoke of hanging a chandelier, but to my surprise he yelled out “no” before I could get the suggestion out of my mouth.  That proved to me that he was willing to do whatever his daughter-in-law wanted and this was only one example.  He finally got the “little girl” he needed to spoil. 

As the story goes, he passed away in 2018 after a short nine-month battle with brain cancer.  He gained another daughter-in-law in 2015 after another lengthy courtship when our second son married his high school sweetheart.  My husband loved her too.  She gave him his first grandson, Charles.  It would be the only grandchild he would get to meet.

In time, probably 2020-21, the kitchen remodel was in full swing at the house next door.  Danielle had redesigned her kitchen, including the laundry room again.  As I watched the fake crystal chandelier come down, I asked her if I could keep it.  After all, I was building a new home of my own, downsizing, and thought it would make a great keepsake.  It now hangs in my walk-in closet at my new home.  It is not wired, just a memento of the days that my husband pampered his daughter-in-law.

In 2022, as fate would have it, Danielle became pregnant with a little girl and gave birth to the first granddaughter, Nellie Rae who was born on June 17, 2023.  If my husband was here, I’m sure she would be his pride and joy.  Somehow, though, I think he met her first.

As he did his other grandson Grayson who was born in 2019 to Ted and Cassie.  Then in 2024, we got the surprise of it all, when Cassie gave birth to another little granddaughter Hannah Cameron, on June 7, 2024.

My husband would have loved all of his grandchildren, but I know he would have really loved being “grandpa, grandpa, grandpa” to these two little girls.  As my son with 2 boys has realized, girls are different.  They wrap their daddies around their little fingers.

Tammy Harvey  2/2/2026

Cancer is not Convenient

 

*** All of these things have happened to either myself, my husband, my mother, or my close friend. Yet, we continue to fight. ***

Cancer is not convenient,

When you get the call that the biopsy is positive,

When your diagnosis comes one month before your son’s wedding,

When your heart breaks as you hear the words “stage 4”,

Cancer is not convenient,

When you spend 5 weeks taking daily radiation,

When the radiation takes 15 minutes and the travel time is an hour and a half,

When you buzz your head because your hair is falling out,

Cancer is not convenient,

When your food no longer has any taste,

When your cancer metastasizes after being “cancer free”,

When you run out of treatment options,

Cancer is not convenient,

When your mind is healthy, but your body is frail,

When your body is healthy, but your mind is frail,

When your cancer mutates and the current treatment plan changes,

Cancer is not convenient,

When your breasts are gone and your chest is flat,

When lymphedema in your arm is a constant threat,

When your mother dies two weeks after your surgery,

Cancer is not convenient,

When you are isolated from others because your white blood count is low,

When you need a blood transfusion because your hemoglobin is too,

When you spend literally all day at an appointment at Duke,

Cancer is not convenient.

Tammy Harvey  2/2/2026

Surprise, Surprise

 

Surprise, surprise, surprise

My January birthday is problematic because the weather is sometimes inclement, and we can’t get out.  On my 40^th Birthday in 2020, for example, we had a 21” snowfall and ice event that shut down the city for weeks.  My party was postponed, indefinitely.  This year I turned 66 and the biggest snow/sleet/ice event nationwide was predicted to arrive two days after my Birthday.  It covered 14 states and we fortunately did not get the brunt of it this time.  I did, indeed, get to celebrate my Birthday in good fashion days before the storm.  The evening before my Birthday was an annual dinner with two of my closest friends who also have January birthdays.  We had first planned a lunch, then it evolved into a dinner and the decision of where to eat was in question.  It was narrowed down to two and I chose the local restaurant in Cary that afternoon.

In the meantime, my son Ted was planning a dinner for the next night on my Birthday.  He had told me to be ready at 5pm and dress nicely.  He would not, however, tell me where we were going and who would be there.  I desperately begged him to not make it a surprise, but he insisted I wait and see.  I get a lot of anxiety in not knowing the specifics of a particular event in advance.  Yet I was forced to be patient.

On the night of the girls’ dinner, I called Ted as I was driving to tell him I was going out to dinner at Lucky 32 with the girls.  A long pause and silence ensued.  He had put the phone on mute to express his surprise to his wife.  That restaurant was indeed the very same one he had reservations for the following night.  How bizarre.  Of all the hundreds of choices in the area to eat, we had chosen the same one.  Now he was surprised and I was confused.  He told me then that he was going to pivot and make other arrangements for my Birthday.  He did, at least, then tell me who was going to join us.  I was having dinner with my three sons.  Yet, the new reservations he made were still a complete surprise, again at his persistence.

I immediately went with my “I told you so”, and how the surprise was on him.  If he had let me in on his surprise, I would not have chosen Lucky 32 as my girls’ dinner date.  He said to go and enjoy myself and no worries.  I did just that.  We had a most delicious meal with free desserts topped with lighted candles.

The next evening, Ted picked me up and we headed over to Thomas’ house nearby.  We went in to visit Danielle and Nellie.  At some point, they leisurely said it was time to leave.  Thomas drove and the traffic was insane!  It was bumper to bumper on the interstate.  There were red taillights as far as I could see.  This just heightened my anxiety.  As we ventured along, I began to guess that we were going to downtown Raleigh.  In fact, we did make it to our destination, a restaurant named Birdies located on Fayetteville St in downtown Raleigh.  I don’t get to Raleigh much, especially at night.  Joshua, who lives in North Raleigh, was there to meet us.  We had a wonderful dinner at a place none of us had been to before except Thomas.  The starters were fabulous.  We had pull-apart bread with a scallion butter, a flatbread with hot honey sauce, and non-alcoholic bloody Mary deviled eggs.  I had a shaved Brussels & Quinoa salad that included dried apricots, baby arugula, roasted almonds, local goat cheese and honey vinaigrette.  It was one of the most unique and tasty salads I’ve ever had.  I was also given a choice of free dessert.  I chose a slice of chocolate cake, but had to take it to go, as I was too full.  It was also one of the best desserts I’ve ever had.

To say the least, this 66th Birthday celebration was one for the most memorable.  I was accompanied to dinner by three handsome young men whom I am very proud to call my sons!  It was full of surprises, not all of them on me!

Tammy Harvey  1/27/2026

Let the Sun Shine In

 

Let the Sun Shine In

It’s that one swatch of sunshine that streams through the window on a cold winter’s day.  It makes a slanting rectangular glow on the floor.  I stretch out on the carpet and take in the warmth of it.  It is like a natural heating pad to my back.  Face down on the carpet, I’m in a state of comfort like no other.  It is a warm cup of cocoa, a fuzzy blanket, and literally a ray of sunshine to my soul.  I am perplexed at how a simple thing can bring such happiness.  Oh, but to enjoy the little things life has to offer.  I am lulled to sleep by the relaxation it provides.  It is not even at my own house, but at my son’s home, in his playroom and I take advantage of it when I can.  Among the chaos of the playroom that is sometimes so loud it hurts my ears, is a respite.  A calm amid the storm.  When the boys are at school and the baby has gone down for her nap, I find myself lying in the sunshine, quietly.   In a place that is usually bustling with laughter, wrestling, gymnastics and child’s play.  My wish is that everyone could find a place of peace to rest their soul amongst the loud and chaotic world.  It doesn’t have to be an extravagant vacation or a trip to a tropical paradise with glorious views.  It can be as simple as the sunshine streaming in on a cold winter’s day.

Tammy Harvey  1/12/2026

As I title this story, I am reminded of the song by the 5^th Dimension in 1969, Aquarius (Let the Sunshine In).