Gaining a Daughter-in-Law

 

Gaining a Daughter-in-law

My husband grew up with only brothers.  We had only sons, three of them.  He was always hoping for that little girl to join our family.  There had been some talk about adoption, but nothing serious.  All he could hope for was to get a granddaughter.   Little did he know that a daughter-in-law would fit the bill.  Our oldest son met his future wife in his senior year in high school, 2006.  They dated all throughout the college years, long-distance at times.  All this to say that by the time Thomas and Danielle got married, we had known Danielle and her family for 6 years.  They married on November 11, 2012.  They lived in a townhome not far from us.  Yet, when the house next door to us became available, my husband insisted they move there.  It was not a starter home.  It was not really suitable for a newly married couple.  It had more square footage than our house!  He insisted we become co-owners and become neighbors.  So, we did.

 At this point, I got to see just how much he doted on his only daughter-in-law.  You could see he respected her spunkiness and work ethic.  She was a transplant from New York, Brooklyn-born then Long Island resident until her 5^th grade year.  It was then her family moved to Cary.  She had that northern grit about her.  She challenged him in his way of thinking.  She didn’t just “yes, sir” him, but spoke her mind.  She was a hard-worker too and had managed to buy the townhome herself before they married.  He admired her drive to succeed.  They had their friendly disagreements.  I think he was more accustomed to the typical southern charm than the northern grit.  When it came to giving her what she wanted, he was at her service.  He was a handyman and could do just about any task around the home. 

At one point, she was trying to make the house her own and decided to makeover the laundry room.  My husband retired in 2015 and had time on his hands.  He jumped at the chance to do something for Danielle.  Her vision was to remove the wallpaper in the laundry room, paint it and add a chandelier.  A chandelier!  Adding this new light fixture to replace the fluorescent box light required some sheetrock work, but my husband would never shy away from that challenge.  He proceeded to strip the wallpaper.  He prepared the walls for painting.  She chose a bright coral color which I supposed my husband detested but did not question.  He painted it with an attitude of service.  I think acts of service was his love language.  When it came to the light fixture, it seemed absurd to put this little fake crystal chandelier in that space, yet he did it without question.  When it was all completed, she was delighted with her new space.  I then proceeded to say to him that I thought our laundry room could use a little remake.  I spoke of hanging a chandelier, but to my surprise he yelled out “no” before I could get the suggestion out of my mouth.  That proved to me that he was willing to do whatever his daughter-in-law wanted and this was only one example.  He finally got the “little girl” he needed to spoil. 

As the story goes, he passed away in 2018 after a short nine-month battle with brain cancer.  He gained another daughter-in-law in 2015 after another lengthy courtship when our second son married his high school sweetheart.  My husband loved her too.  She gave him his first grandson, Charles.  It would be the only grandchild he would get to meet.

In time, probably 2020-21, the kitchen remodel was in full swing at the house next door.  Danielle had redesigned her kitchen, including the laundry room again.  As I watched the fake crystal chandelier come down, I asked her if I could keep it.  After all, I was building a new home of my own, downsizing, and thought it would make a great keepsake.  It now hangs in my walk-in closet at my new home.  It is not wired, just a memento of the days that my husband pampered his daughter-in-law.

In 2022, as fate would have it, Danielle became pregnant with a little girl and gave birth to the first granddaughter, Nellie Rae who was born on June 17, 2023.  If my husband was here, I’m sure she would be his pride and joy.  Somehow, though, I think he met her first.

As he did his other grandson Grayson who was born in 2019 to Ted and Cassie.  Then in 2024, we got the surprise of it all, when Cassie gave birth to another little granddaughter Hannah Cameron, on June 7, 2024.

My husband would have loved all of his grandchildren, but I know he would have really loved being “grandpa, grandpa, grandpa” to these two little girls.  As my son with 2 boys has realized, girls are different.  They wrap their daddies around their little fingers.

Tammy Harvey  2/2/2026

Cancer is not Convenient

 

*** All of these things have happened to either myself, my husband, my mother, or my close friend. Yet, we continue to fight. ***

Cancer is not convenient,

When you get the call that the biopsy is positive,

When your diagnosis comes one month before your son’s wedding,

When your heart breaks as you hear the words “stage 4”,

Cancer is not convenient,

When you spend 5 weeks taking daily radiation,

When the radiation takes 15 minutes and the travel time is an hour and a half,

When you buzz your head because your hair is falling out,

Cancer is not convenient,

When your food no longer has any taste,

When your cancer metastasizes after being “cancer free”,

When you run out of treatment options,

Cancer is not convenient,

When your mind is healthy, but your body is frail,

When your body is healthy, but your mind is frail,

When your cancer mutates and the current treatment plan changes,

Cancer is not convenient,

When your breasts are gone and your chest is flat,

When lymphedema in your arm is a constant threat,

When your mother dies two weeks after your surgery,

Cancer is not convenient,

When you are isolated from others because your white blood count is low,

When you need a blood transfusion because your hemoglobin is too,

When you spend literally all day at an appointment at Duke,

Cancer is not convenient.

Tammy Harvey  2/2/2026

Surprise, Surprise

 

Surprise, surprise, surprise

My January birthday is problematic because the weather is sometimes inclement, and we can’t get out.  On my 40^th Birthday in 2020, for example, we had a 21” snowfall and ice event that shut down the city for weeks.  My party was postponed, indefinitely.  This year I turned 66 and the biggest snow/sleet/ice event nationwide was predicted to arrive two days after my Birthday.  It covered 14 states and we fortunately did not get the brunt of it this time.  I did, indeed, get to celebrate my Birthday in good fashion days before the storm.  The evening before my Birthday was an annual dinner with two of my closest friends who also have January birthdays.  We had first planned a lunch, then it evolved into a dinner and the decision of where to eat was in question.  It was narrowed down to two and I chose the local restaurant in Cary that afternoon.

In the meantime, my son Ted was planning a dinner for the next night on my Birthday.  He had told me to be ready at 5pm and dress nicely.  He would not, however, tell me where we were going and who would be there.  I desperately begged him to not make it a surprise, but he insisted I wait and see.  I get a lot of anxiety in not knowing the specifics of a particular event in advance.  Yet I was forced to be patient.

On the night of the girls’ dinner, I called Ted as I was driving to tell him I was going out to dinner at Lucky 32 with the girls.  A long pause and silence ensued.  He had put the phone on mute to express his surprise to his wife.  That restaurant was indeed the very same one he had reservations for the following night.  How bizarre.  Of all the hundreds of choices in the area to eat, we had chosen the same one.  Now he was surprised and I was confused.  He told me then that he was going to pivot and make other arrangements for my Birthday.  He did, at least, then tell me who was going to join us.  I was having dinner with my three sons.  Yet, the new reservations he made were still a complete surprise, again at his persistence.

I immediately went with my “I told you so”, and how the surprise was on him.  If he had let me in on his surprise, I would not have chosen Lucky 32 as my girls’ dinner date.  He said to go and enjoy myself and no worries.  I did just that.  We had a most delicious meal with free desserts topped with lighted candles.

The next evening, Ted picked me up and we headed over to Thomas’ house nearby.  We went in to visit Danielle and Nellie.  At some point, they leisurely said it was time to leave.  Thomas drove and the traffic was insane!  It was bumper to bumper on the interstate.  There were red taillights as far as I could see.  This just heightened my anxiety.  As we ventured along, I began to guess that we were going to downtown Raleigh.  In fact, we did make it to our destination, a restaurant named Birdies located on Fayetteville St in downtown Raleigh.  I don’t get to Raleigh much, especially at night.  Joshua, who lives in North Raleigh, was there to meet us.  We had a wonderful dinner at a place none of us had been to before except Thomas.  The starters were fabulous.  We had pull-apart bread with a scallion butter, a flatbread with hot honey sauce, and non-alcoholic bloody Mary deviled eggs.  I had a shaved Brussels & Quinoa salad that included dried apricots, baby arugula, roasted almonds, local goat cheese and honey vinaigrette.  It was one of the most unique and tasty salads I’ve ever had.  I was also given a choice of free dessert.  I chose a slice of chocolate cake, but had to take it to go, as I was too full.  It was also one of the best desserts I’ve ever had.

To say the least, this 66th Birthday celebration was one for the most memorable.  I was accompanied to dinner by three handsome young men whom I am very proud to call my sons!  It was full of surprises, not all of them on me!

Tammy Harvey  1/27/2026

Let the Sun Shine In

 

Let the Sun Shine In

It’s that one swatch of sunshine that streams through the window on a cold winter’s day.  It makes a slanting rectangular glow on the floor.  I stretch out on the carpet and take in the warmth of it.  It is like a natural heating pad to my back.  Face down on the carpet, I’m in a state of comfort like no other.  It is a warm cup of cocoa, a fuzzy blanket, and literally a ray of sunshine to my soul.  I am perplexed at how a simple thing can bring such happiness.  Oh, but to enjoy the little things life has to offer.  I am lulled to sleep by the relaxation it provides.  It is not even at my own house, but at my son’s home, in his playroom and I take advantage of it when I can.  Among the chaos of the playroom that is sometimes so loud it hurts my ears, is a respite.  A calm amid the storm.  When the boys are at school and the baby has gone down for her nap, I find myself lying in the sunshine, quietly.   In a place that is usually bustling with laughter, wrestling, gymnastics and child’s play.  My wish is that everyone could find a place of peace to rest their soul amongst the loud and chaotic world.  It doesn’t have to be an extravagant vacation or a trip to a tropical paradise with glorious views.  It can be as simple as the sunshine streaming in on a cold winter’s day.

Tammy Harvey  1/12/2026

As I title this story, I am reminded of the song by the 5^th Dimension in 1969, Aquarius (Let the Sunshine In).

The Woods, the Fort

 

The Woods, the Fort

Any patch of trees will do,

A vacant lot is tried and true,

For building forts as little boys,

Sticks and rocks are their toys,

A group of boys in the neighborhood,

Camaraderie-forming, as it should,

Shovels and rakes borrowed from dad,

And hours of strategic planning were had,

Raking away the piles of debris,

Making a path on hand and knee,

Digging holes to thwart the invaders,

Battling thorns and wearing waders,

To cross the creek, just north of the fort,

And muddy footprints, but mom’s a good sport,

Hours of fun, creating their own space,

It puts more than just a smile on their face,

Walkie-talkie communication,

More than just recreation,

It is teambuilding skills put into action,

It’s a rite of passage with much satisfaction,

Playing in the woods, getting dirty, feeling free,

Gaining independence, that is the key.

Tammy Harvey  1/12/2026

This poem was inspired by my two grandsons who have recently built a "fort" in the wooded lot next to their house along with the neighborhood boys.  Having raised three sons, I am particularly aware that this is an important part of growing up!

Fences

 

Fences

While taking a walk outside today,

I noticed a variety of fences along the way,

Some were wooden.  Others were metal or split rail,

Some looked strong and others looked terribly frail,

Some were for privacy, others for safety, as I walked by the school,

A backyard, a playground, a community swimming pool,

Fences were keeping others out; they were keeping others in,

And I remembered a familiar poem from way back when,

Robert Frost’s “Mending Wall” about a stone wall, in need of repair,

One neighbor diligently building while his neighbor questioned why the fence was even there,

“Good fences make good neighbors” is the idiom from this rhyme,

This saying has been stated time after time,

Boundaries are sometimes necessary to honor a person’s land,

It’s not about drawing a proverbial bold line in the sand,

It’s a matter of respect, I was taught as a girl,

You just don’t go wandering around like a feral squirrel,

Though fences should not be about isolation,

Hospitality defies any consternation,

Good neighbors treat others like they want to be treated,

It’s the golden rule and is worth being repeated.

Tammy Harvey  1/8/2025

Core Memories

 

Riding his Horse in the Snow

A terminally ill man, with not much time to spare,

A self-proclaimed “blessed man”, who was in our care,

A nasty brain tumor had taken away some of his mind,

But he remained positive, hopeful and undeniably kind,

He was sleeping a lot and had not much energy now,

Though an inspiration to us, an encourager somehow,

I asked him one day if he could do anything, what would it be?

He answered with something so simple for me,

He would ride horses in the snow and that was his answer,

It was a core memory he had, not taken by cancer,

In his youth he rode his appaloosa in the snow,

Somewhere in heaven he is riding I know,

The point to this story is oh so clear,

Make core memories while you can, my dear.

Tammy Harvey

12/23/2025