God’s Timing
We were almost empty nesters, with our youngest ready to
fledge. It was, however, a blessing to
still have him with us at this particular stage proving God’s timing is
perfect. The blessing was multiplied
because our oldest son and daughter-in-law lived right next door to my husband
and me. Not only that, but our middle son and his wife lived only minutes away
with the only grandson at that time. We
were surrounded with family support and comfort. The day I took my husband to the ER because he
was disoriented and abnormally forgetful had finally come. His behavior had been questionable for a few
months, but he had hidden it well. It
was beginning to affect him at work, and noticeably he was making mistakes on
the job. Secretly he thought he had
early onset alzheimer’s disease. He was
terrified of the fact that he might have this crippling disease because he had
seen firsthand the affects it has on a person.
After much coaxing, I had my neighbors help me convince my
husband to go to the ER that Sunday afternoon in September 2017. I was at the ER alone with him and unknowing
of what was going to be announced as his diagnosis. They had sent him to get a CT-scan of his
brain, and we were awaiting the results. Out of the blue, 2 of our sons and one
of our daughters-in-law appeared from behind the curtains. Again, God’s timing is perfect. They had been sitting at home anxiously
awaiting my call but had decided to come to the hospital to support me. I didn’t know they were coming. Ironically, the ER doesn’t normally let that
many people come back to the patient’s bedside, but they allowed it. After they
arrived, only a few minutes passed until the ER doctor brought us the news. He had a picture of the brain scan and showed
us a brain tumor the size of an orange in my husband’s head. He said it was cancer. I immediately said why do you say that? Couldn’t it be benign? Apparently, a doctor can tell by looking what
type of tumor it is. My husband
immediately smiled and yelled out “Great!
I thought I had alzheimer’s!” He
was truly so happy to hear that it wasn’t what he feared, not realizing that it
was much more serious. It turns out to
be a Gliobastoma multiforme (GBM). This
tumor is a stage IV, fast growing aggressive type of cancer with no cure. Brain surgery would be required to debulk the
tumor, followed by radiation and chemotherapy.
Without treatment, life expectancy is 6 months or less.
Our youngest son was
finishing up his internship with the Conservation Corp when he got the
news. He had been relocated to Florida
to help with cleanup efforts after the damage from Hurricane Harvey. They flew him home immediately and his time
with the Corp which was 3 weeks shy of completion was considered accomplished. He had graduated from college and was in the
part of life where a student transitions to the work force. He put his life on-hold, though, foregoing a
job search, to help me care for my husband.
There was 5-6 weeks of radiation Monday-Friday at Duke Hospital which
was 30 minutes away. The drive, the
parking and the waiting was longer than the 15 minutes of concentrated
radiation. Between all my sons, they helped to drive me and my husband to all
the doctor appointments and radiation treatments. My oldest son took a family medical leave of
absence from his job to help care for him.
My middle son also took a considerable amount of time off to assist in
every way possible. He had been a CNA
for a year at UNC Hospital in Chapel Hill on the cardiac floor before deciding
to not choose nursing as a career path.
We relied on him a lot for his expertise in patient care.
Nearly nine months later, after all the treatment options
had been exhausted, nothing else could be done for him medically. Hospice was necessary when he could no longer
get upstairs and eventually could not even walk to the bathroom. We had no shower facilities or bedroom downstairs,
so a hospital bed was placed in the living room. My youngest son and I took turns sleeping on
the couch to accompany my husband. He eventually became unresponsive. One evening, June 24, 2018, was the first
time all 3 of our sons had decided to spend the night in the living room,
sleeping in recliners, couches, and on the floor. Our daughter-in-law had asked
her mom to come to stay with their baby, so she too was there specifically at
my husband’s bedside reading scripture over him. I eventually went to lay down in my bed
upstairs as I was exhausted. They held
vigil, but apparently, my oldest had needed his cell phone charger and had
stepped next door to get it. At that
time, my daughter-in-law noticed a significant difference in my husband’s
breathing. She immediately texted my son
to come back quickly and bring his wife.
She then ran upstairs and got me up to come quickly. As I arrived downstairs, every one of them
was standing over my husband as he took this last breath. Again, God’s timing was perfect. Maybe my husband had been waiting to pass
when all of us were there together. I
don’t know, but it was an amazing time of togetherness. We all shared in the experience of letting
him go. I feel it was the way that he
wanted it to be.
An Aside:
My oldest son at the time of my husband’s surgery had a
photography studio set up in his living room.
He had the backdrops, the professional lighting and expensive camera and
took many beautiful photos. One in
particular, he took of my husband shortly after the craniotomy. It was a profile of my husband with his large
fresh scar of 56 stitches. It was a
profound photo; one my husband was very proud of. Recently my son had that photo enlarged to a
20” x 20” black and white print. He
being a perfectionist was not happy that a very tiny imperfection had occurred
when he opened the package after it was shipped to him. I, on the other hand, had no problem with the
quality of the print, so he gave it to me.
I framed it with a black mat and a white frame, and it is a piece of
art, but I was hesitant to put it on the wall.
Did I really want to look at that memory every day? Then my son shared with me that he had
intended to hang it in his office to remind him that life is short and to live
life to its fullest. At that point, I
knew it was going on my wall in my home office.
What a great sentiment to have regarding something so tragic.
Tammy Harvey
Written: 12/24/2022
Although this story happened over 4 years ago, it is like it
happened yesterday, but I wanted to put it down on paper so that I would never
forget it that God’s timing IS perfect.
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