One Ringy Dingy

 

Thank You for Your Call

Automated phone menus mean well,

Press ONE for more options.

But can’t we please have a human we can tell?

Press TWO if you know your party’s extension.

The older people cannot maneuver such nonsense,

Press THREE for the billing department.

The options are confusing and defy common sense,

Press FOUR to schedule an appointment.

Wait, did they already state the number I need?

Press FIVE to repeat the menu.

If so, what was it?  I am lost, indeed,

Listen closely, as our MENU options have changed.

Let me press O, maybe I’ll reach the operator,

“O” is not a valid option. Press # return to the Main Menu.

What I really need is a virtual translator!

If you know your party’s extension, you can dial it at this time.

Press SIX for the directory.

A human voice!  Just let me speak!

This isn’t a game of hide-and-seek!

Oh, my goodness, I think someone just picked up!

This call may be recorded for quality assurance.

After this call, please stay on the line for a brief survey.

Press 1 for YES and 2 for NO.

Is there a number for “HELL NO”?!

Why was I calling?  I don’t even know.

Tammy Harvey

Written:  6/9/2022